Love does not require fear.

What Is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence — also called intimate partner violence or relationship abuse — is a pattern of behavior used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. It can happen in any relationship regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, religion, or economic status.

Abuse is not always physical. It can be emotional, verbal, financial, digital, or sexual. Each form is serious and can cause lasting harm.

“Abuse is about control, not anger. You did not cause it. You cannot fix it by changing your behavior.”

Types of Abuse

Warning Signs

These are potential warning signs in a relationship. They are not proof of abuse, but a pattern of several may be worth talking through with a trusted person or advocate.

• Jealousy or possessiveness presented as love or care
• Wanting to move very fast in the relationship
• Controlling who you spend time with or where you go
• Making you feel responsible for their moods or behavior
• Humiliating you publicly or privately
• Threats to hurt you, your children, pets, or themselves if you leave
• Telling you that you are imagining things or are “too sensitive”
• Preventing you from working, studying, or managing your own money
• Checking your phone, email, or location without permission
• Becoming violent or very frightening when angry

The Cycle of Abuse

Many abusive relationships follow a recognizable pattern, though not every relationship fits neatly into it. Understanding the pattern can help make sense of confusing experiences.

Over time, the calm phases often shorten and incidents can become more serious. The cycle is not inevitable — with specialist support, people do leave abusive relationships safely.

Why Leaving Is Complicated

People stay in or return to abusive relationships for many reasons. These reasons are real and valid, and they do not mean someone wants to be hurt.

• Fear of retaliation or escalation (leaving can be an especially dangerous time)
• Financial dependence or lack of resources
• Shared children, housing, or immigration status
• Love for the partner and hope they will change
• Isolation from support networks
• Religious, cultural, or family pressure
• Shame or belief that the abuse is their fault
• Past experiences of not being believed or helped

Safety Planning

A safety plan is a practical, personalized set of actions to increase safety — whether you are staying, planning to leave, or have already left. A trained advocate can help you build one. General considerations include:

• Identifying a trusted person who knows your situation
• Knowing the locations of important documents (ID, passport, financial records)
• Having a bag ready with essentials if you need to leave quickly
• Identifying safe places you could go
• Knowing the hotline number by memory or stored safely
• Considering technology safety — who has access to your devices and accounts
• Planning for children or pets if applicable

How to Help Someone You Care About

• Believe them and listen without judgment
• Avoid ultimatums like “If you don’t leave I can’t support you”
• Understand that leaving takes time and can be dangerous — support them through the process
• Help them access resources without taking control away from them
• Do not confront the abuser directly — this can put the victim at greater risk
• Take care of your own wellbeing too; supporting someone in an abusive situation is emotionally demanding

Authoritative sources and helplines

• National Domestic Violence Hotline — thehotline.org · 800-799-7233 · 24/7
• CDC — Intimate Partner Violence
• WomensLaw.org — legal information for survivors
• National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV)
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

This page is educational and does not replace professional legal, medical, or safety advice. Links are for reference only and do not imply endorsement or partnership. Verify availability and hours directly with each organization.